Partnership

I am rereading a book titled, "The Meaning of Marriage" by Timothy and Kathy Keller. It is a book for singles, marrieds, and engaged couples to explore the myths and truths about marriages and relationships. It is a truthful, hard-hitting look at what today's society views as an impossible way of life. Society today thinks that marriage is an outdated concept that is for us old people and others in addled-brain trances. Today's culture believes that relationships are for the good of "me" and not "us". The "me" culture gone wild.....

As one who has been in a monogamous relationship for more than 50 years, these views depress me. This view of a "me" only relationship means that we've decided that the common good is no longer valued and is no longer valid. The view that we must do things to make others more valuable and lovable is a thing of the past. The thought that we must only be concerned about "me" if society is to flourish and move forward is an oxymoron and deeply flawed, but apparently OK now. It's OK to think of "me" above everyone and everything else. It's OK to value "me" more than I value "you".

If this is the direction that the USA generations are headed, we're in deep "doo-doo" as my Gramps would say. The definition of "society" is "a community or group of people having common traditions, institutions, and interests". I believe the word that is key is "common". Common brings to mind the thought of something that belongs to or is shared by two or more people or the community at large. Common and shared are key words in traditional marriages. The idea of commitment to something bigger than yourself drives the common goals necessary for a successful society.

My wife and I share many things; secrets, food, cats, and a love of travel to name a few. We also have individual interests and individual thoughts and opinions; brussel sprouts, liver, cats, sports, and the Hallmark channel to name a few. The new rules around "me" would suggest that shared experiences and opinions are random and unplanned. They exist in a common sphere only because each of the participants have those individually and not dually.

If we are truly a society of "me's", then it will be a tough uphill battle to defend our way of life going forward. The USA was formed and existed for many years on the premise of a shared love of country and a mutually beneficial view of life lived as free individuals. If the "me" rules are broadly adopted and allowed to grow, our thinking about "mutually beneficial" will change to "what does it mean for me alone". Free societies cannot be sustained with this thinking. Marriage may be the tip of the iceberg. If we decide that marriage is only good if our needs are met irrespective of the other party's needs, the downfall of our society won't be far behind.

As a society, we need to do better. We as parents and grandparents need to step up to the plate and model a more satisfying way of life. This view of "me" vs. "you" hasn't come about randomly. It has developed because of the rise of divorce rates and the rise of self-discovery that makes it OK to consider only yourself in any decisions and relationships. We need to better model what our forefathers and foremothers modelled.... a consistent, mutually beneficial, satisfying relationship built on trust and intimacy. We need to show this and subsequent generations that long-lasting relationships can be built without sacrificing our own principles and beliefs. We need to teach society that the old ways are not necessarily bad. We really did have some good ideas......

Those are my thoughts. I look forward to hearing yours.